一年一度的新申请季又拉开帷幕。最近，哈佛官方校报《The Crimson》再度发布了2025年度优秀申请文书范例。这些文章不仅展示了被哈佛青睐的写作风格与叙事方式，也为正准备申请的同学们提供了宝贵的参考。
让我们一起走近这些范文，并且提供专业点评，看看敲开顶级学校哈佛，他们眼中的优秀申请文书是如何写成的。
哈佛10篇优秀文书
来源：哈佛校报
“进入哈佛学院并不仅仅依靠完美的成绩或标准化考试分数——更重要的是讲好你自己的故事。
在这篇专题中，《The Harvard Crimson》携手HS2 Academy呈现了十篇来自成功录取学生的出色个人陈述，这些学生突破了世界上最具竞争力的申请流程之一。
每一篇文章都展现了一个真实的声音、一个真实的故事，以及真正脱颖而出的意义。”
第一篇
1. Claire's Essay
In my vision I focus on a lone front tooth backdropped by a black abyss; thin lips dance around it in motions forming words, yet I can’t seem to hear them.
在我的视野里，我专注于一颗孤零零的门牙，背景是一片黑色的深渊；纤薄的嘴唇在它周围舞动，形成言语的动作，但我似乎听不见。
In the kitchen behind my grandfather sits his definition of luxury — a now stale and cold Filet-o-Fish from the Beijing McDonald’s. American basketball plays on the television across from where we’re sitting on the sofa; players’ shoes squeak and balls bounce louder in my ears than those words. In this moment, his Mandarin goes in one ear and out the other. I don’t listen the way I do when he’s screaming at my mother, a bitter, blind rage fueled by undercurrents of fear and “I miss you.”
在厨房里，我的外公身后放着他所认为的“奢华”——一块已经冰冷发硬的北京麦当劳鱼柳堡。我们坐在沙发上，对面的电视里正播放着美国篮球赛；球鞋摩擦地板的吱吱声和篮球的弹跳声，在我耳中比那些话语更响亮。此刻，他的普通话从我一只耳朵进，又从另一只耳朵出。我听得并不像他对我母亲咆哮时那样——那是一种夹杂着恐惧与“我想你”的潜流所激发的苦涩而盲目的愤怒。
My focus blurs, and the tooth disappears. Basketball fades to silence, and I’m on the airplane home to America. We’re separated once more by an ocean and three thousand unspoken miles. It’s a whirlwind; five years pass, and my few apathetic summers in China are over before I can blink twice.
我的视线开始模糊，那颗牙齿消失了。篮球声渐渐沉寂，我已经坐在返回美国的飞机上。我们再一次被一片海洋和三千英里的沉默距离隔开。这是一阵旋风；五年时光倏忽而过，我在中国那几段漠然的暑假一眨眼就结束了。
The last clear memory I have is waking up on my thirteenth birthday to my dad handing me the landline kept for international phone calls: “Waigong has something he wants to read to you.”
我最后清晰的记忆，是十三岁生日那天醒来时，爸爸递给我家中专门用来打国际长途的座机：“外公有东西想读给你听。”
It is a poem that he had written about me. Through the phone, I could do nothing but hear his voice, static worsening the Mandarin already slurred by missing teeth. The poem says everything he loved about his granddaughter, everything he saw in her, despite barely knowing her. It is a reflection of last dreams, visions, and hopes of his own.
那是一首他为我写的诗。透过电话，我只能听见他的声音，嘶嘶的杂音让本就因缺牙而含糊的普通话更加模糊。诗里写下了他对孙女所有的喜爱，写下了他在她身上看到的一切，尽管他几乎不了解她。那是他最后的梦想、愿景与希望的映射。
He was gone not long after that, once more turned to forever.
不久之后，他离开了我们，再次变成了永远的缺席。
It wasn’t until I found myself chancely entrenched in poetry because of a mandatory school competition that I began to think deeply about this disconnected relationship. Poetry Out Loud’s anthology introduced me to hundreds and hundreds of poems, and I felt like a hungry child at a buffet. When I discovered “Old Men Playing Basketball” by B.H. Fairchild, I saw tired arms and shaky hands as a pure geometry of curves, hobbling slippers as the adamant remains of that old soft shoe of desire. In words, I was safe to miss my grandfather for all the things that made him human. For the first time in my life, I began to realize that I might have a love for beautiful words that ran deep in my blood, a love that couldn’t be lost in translation.
直到因为一次学校的强制诗词比赛，我偶然沉浸在诗歌中时，才开始深刻思考这段割裂的关系。《Poetry Out Loud》的诗歌合辑让我接触到数以百计的诗篇，我如同一个饥饿的孩子站在自助餐台前。当我读到 B.H. Fairchild 的《老男人打篮球》时，我看见了疲惫的手臂与颤抖的双手化为纯粹几何的弧线，蹒跚的拖鞋是那双柔软欲望之鞋顽强残留的影子。在文字中，我可以安心地怀念外公身上一切属于人性的特质。那是我人生中第一次意识到，自己对美丽文字的热爱也许早已融入血液，这份热爱不会因语言翻译而丢失。
On that makeshift podium in the school cafeteria my sophomore year, “Old Men Playing Basketball” becomes “Waigong Playing Basketball.” I’m taken back to that sofa in Beijing one more time, where he takes my small hand into his tremoring one covered by gray-brown patches of melasma, where he tells me, “You are a gift, a wonder. You are a hu die.” Butterfly: my Chinese name. Born to one day fly.
在高二那年学校食堂临时搭起的讲台上，《老男人打篮球》变成了《外公打篮球》。我又一次被带回北京那张沙发上，他把我小小的手放进他颤抖、布满灰褐色黄褐斑的手里，对我说：“你是礼物，是奇迹。你是蝴蝶。”蝴蝶：我的中文名字，注定有一天要飞翔。
But it is no longer his voice I hear. It is my own— crisp and clear, raw and strong. The poem becomes the glass wand of autumn light breaking over the backboard, where boys rise up in old men. I see the whole scene this time, not just tooth and abyss. I hear every word.
但这一次我听见的不再是他的声音，而是我自己的——清晰、坚定、质朴而有力。那首诗成了秋日光束的玻璃魔杖，折射在篮板上，老男人们的身影在少年们的跳跃中升起。这一次，我看见了完整的场景，而不仅仅是牙齿与深渊。我听见了每一个字。
Perhaps I will never be able to know my grandfather beyond his love of basketball and poetry, or hear his voice read me another poem. But when I am stirred by beautiful lines or liberated by my pen on paper, I know I am one of two same hearts, forever bound together by the permanence and power of language.
也许我永远无法真正了解外公，除了他对篮球和诗歌的热爱，也无法再听他为我读诗。但每当我被优美的诗句触动，或在纸上落笔获得自由时，我知道我们是两颗同样的心，永远因语言的恒久与力量而相连。
I am a vessel in flight, listening, writing, speaking to remember histories, to feel emotion, to carry forth dreams and visions and hopes of my own. My grandfather becomes an elegant mirage of a basketball player, carried by a quiet grace along my trail of spoken words floating upwards toward heaven.
我是一只飞行的器皿，倾听、书写、言说，为了记住历史，为了感受情感，为了承载梦想、愿景与希望。我的外公在我的话语长河中化作一名优雅的篮球选手，伴随安静的风度，被轻轻托起，随我的诗句漂浮向天际。
Professional Review 专业点评
Some essays tell you who someone is. Clara’s shows you how she became that person.
有些文章告诉你一个人是谁，而 Clara 的文章则展示了她是如何成为那个人的。
What makes Fish Out of Water stand out isn’t just the fish-to-freshman metaphor or her stories that connect immigration and biology — two themes admissions officers encounter often — but how she makes those familiar ideas feel personal. It’s how at ease she is in describing discomfort and how she captures the awkwardness and isolation of language barriers with honesty. A less thoughtful writer might have simply said, “It was hard learning English.” Clara, however, shows us how, using creative humor to poke fun at herself while revealing her unique skills, flaws, and strengths through SpongeBob reruns, word-play, and a fascination with labeled diagrams. This is exactly what admissions officers want to see: the maturity to reflect in a way that brings the story vividly to life beyond the screen.
让《离水之鱼》脱颖而出的，不仅仅是“鱼”与“新生”的隐喻，或是她讲述的移民与生物学这两个招生官经常遇到的主题，而是她如何让这些熟悉的主题变得极其个人化。她能够自如地描述不适，能够以真诚捕捉语言障碍带来的尴尬与孤立。一位缺乏深思的写作者也许只会简单写道：“学英语很难。” 但 Clara 却通过创造性的幽默把这种困难表现出来：她一边自嘲，一边通过《海绵宝宝》的重播、文字游戏以及对标注图解的着迷，展现出她独特的技能、缺点与优势。这正是招生官希望看到的——一种成熟的反思力，让故事在纸面之外也鲜活生动。
She doesn’t just talk about resilience — she shows us where it came from, and how art and science became a way to make sense of things. Her writing is vivid without being overdone, and metaphors like “language feels slippery like fish on my tongue” feel true because they come from lived experience. By the end, when she writes “You’ll find your water,” it lands. It’s not just a neat ending — it’s a reminder, quiet and generous, that growth doesn’t have to be loud to be real.
她并不仅仅是在谈论“韧性”——她展示了这种韧性从何而来，以及艺术和科学如何成为她理解世界的方式。她的文字鲜活而不过度，诸如“语言像舌尖上的鱼一样滑溜”这样的隐喻之所以打动人心，是因为它源于真实的生活经历。到最后，当她写下“你会找到属于你的水域”时，这句话让人心有所动。这不仅仅是一个漂亮的收尾——它更像是一种提醒，安静而宽厚：成长不必喧嚣，也同样真实。
第二篇
2. Alexander's Essay
The mouthwatering scent of beef broth brought back a flood of childhood memories as it wafted around me. After a 12-hour drive from Florida to Texas, the familiar smell meant I was in ""bep cua bà"", or ""grandma's kitchen"" in Vietnamese. Every summer when my family visited my grandparents' house, my grandma always had a steaming pot of pho ready for us when we arrived, and this time was no exception. For my family, pho was more than a Vietnamese delicacy: it symbolized bringing us together over a warm, hearty meal. This specific visit, however, came with a change of perspective; as a young adult who was now conscious of his cultural roots, I wanted to learn more about my heritage by learning how to cook pho from my grandma.
扑鼻的牛肉汤香气唤起了我童年的一连串回忆。经历了从佛罗里达到德克萨斯为期 12 小时的车程后，这熟悉的味道意味着我已经来到了“bep cua bà”，也就是越南语里“外婆的厨房”。每年夏天，当我们一家人去看望祖父母时，外婆总会在我们到达时为我们准备一锅热气腾腾的越南粉，这一次也不例外。对我家人而言，越南粉不仅是一道越南美食：它象征着我们能够围坐在一起，共享温暖丰盛的一餐。然而，这次探访却让我有了新的视角；作为一个开始意识到文化根源的年轻人，我渴望通过向外婆学习如何煮越南粉来更多了解自己的传承。
As she boiled the water, my grandma stressed to me, ""Every bowl of pho needs a strong foundation: the broth."" Without a good broth, she explained, none of the other ingredients mattered. As I stood over the boiling pot, I thought about my own foundation: my family. My parents immigrated to America after the Vietnam War with nothing and had to work tirelessly to accomplish the celebrated ""American Dream"". From taking me to a 7 am student government fundraiser or a 10 pm baseball game in a city five hours away, I would not have been able to participate in these activities, which I consider an integral part of my identity, without their support. Being fortunate enough to have a strong foundation in my life has allowed me to be a strong foundation for others. For example, as an upperclassman on my varsity baseball team, I strive to be available for my teammates. Last season, when a younger teammate was struggling in a few games, I stayed back after practice to work with him on his fielding before driving him home, even though he lived almost an hour away. This small gesture was a reflection of my attempt to build a strong foundation for others.
当外婆烧水时，她郑重地告诉我：“每一碗越南粉都需要一个坚实的基础：汤底。” 没有好的汤底，她解释道，其他的食材都失去了意义。当我站在沸腾的锅旁时，我想到自己的人生“基础”：我的家人。父母在越战后移民美国，几乎一无所有，却不得不不懈努力去实现人们称颂的“美国梦”。无论是早上 7 点送我去参加学生会的募捐活动，还是晚上 10 点驱车五个小时送我去打棒球比赛，如果没有他们的支持，我根本不可能参加这些我视为身份重要组成部分的活动。正因为有幸在生活中拥有坚实的基础，我才能成为他人的“基石”。比如，作为校棒球队的一名高年级队员，我努力随时支持队友。上个赛季，当一位低年级队友在几场比赛中表现不佳时，我会在训练后留下来陪他练习接球，然后再开车送他回家——尽管他住的地方离学校将近一个小时。这一小小的举动，正是我尝试为他人建立“坚实基础”的体现。
As I watched the broth simmer in a giant pot that my grandma had continuously stirred for two days, she imparted another bit of wisdom onto me: making a great bowl of pho was also all about balance. Simply taking a great broth and indiscriminately adding to it would not suffice; each of the ingredients had to be in perfect balance with each other. Balance was never really something I considered until recently, when I experienced the struggle that can come from its absence. When I suffered a stress fracture in my lower back a few years ago that left me unable to play baseball for the foreseeable future, I felt as if suddenly a major part of my identity had been stripped away. I struggled with this new reality for a while until I realized I could fill this temporary void by acting as a mentor for my younger teammates. Additionally, with my newfound spare time, I was able to further develop my interest in Mu Alpha Theta, which gave me a new, enriching opportunity to compete in mathematics competitions. By the time I was finally cleared to play, I had developed a fresh appreciation for the importance of maintaining a balance among all the activities I did, as I had experienced firsthand the empty feeling of having this balance stripped away.
当我看着外婆不断搅拌、熬煮了整整两天的大锅汤底时，她又传授了另一条智慧：要做出一碗好粉，还必须讲究“平衡”。光有好汤底而不分青红皂白地往里加料是不够的；所有食材必须彼此协调，达到完美的平衡。一直以来，我都没有真正思考过“平衡”这个概念，直到我体会到失去它带来的痛苦。几年前，我因为下背部应力性骨折而不得不长期无法打棒球，那一刻仿佛我身份中的一大部分被剥夺了。我曾一度为这种新现实而挣扎，直到我意识到自己可以通过指导年轻队友来填补这个暂时的空缺。此外，由于多出了一些时间，我还得以进一步培养对 Mu Alpha Theta 数学社的兴趣，获得了新的充实体验，参加了数学竞赛。等到我终于被允许重返赛场时，我对保持活动之间的平衡有了全新的体悟，因为我亲身经历过失去这种平衡时的空虚感。
While putting the finishing scallions in the bowl, I reflected on the delectable meal I helped create and realized that what had started out as me simply wanting to learn more about my heritage became something more poignant: an introspection. Although there may not be a single perfect recipe for pho, by applying my grandma's cooking principles in my everyday life, whether it be in baseball, my volunteer lab experience, or my service trip to Guatemala, I hope to be able to make a ""bowl of pho"" that is perfect for me.
当我在碗里撒上最后的葱花时，我回想起自己亲手参与创造的这顿美味佳肴，意识到最初单纯想通过学习煮粉来了解文化传承的动机，逐渐升华为一场更深刻的自我反思。也许世界上没有一份“完美的越南粉”食谱，但只要我在日常生活中——无论是在棒球场、在志愿实验室，还是在危地马拉的服务之旅——都能应用外婆的烹饪哲学，那么我希望自己能够熬出一碗“属于我的越南粉”，一碗真正适合我的人生之汤。
Professional Review 专业点评
Alexander’s essay is a thoughtful and emotionally resonant reflection on identity, family, and personal growth. By using the preparation of pho as a central metaphor, he artfully connects his Vietnamese heritage with broader themes of foundation, balance, and resilience. The imagery of bếp của bà (grandma’s kitchen) adds warmth and specificity, grounding the narrative in meaningful cultural context.
Alexander 的文章是一篇充满思考并富有情感共鸣的反思之作，主题围绕身份、家庭与个人成长。他以越南粉的制作过程作为核心隐喻，巧妙地将自己的越南文化背景与“根基、平衡和韧性”等更广泛的主题联系起来。“bếp của bà”（外婆的厨房）的意象赋予文章温度与细节，使叙事深深植根于有意义的文化语境之中。
What stands out most is Alexander’s ability to translate personal experiences into universal insight. His response to adversity—mentoring a teammate and rediscovering his passion for mathematics after a sports injury—demonstrates quiet leadership and adaptability. These moments are authentic and show his values in action.
最令人印象深刻的是 Alexander 将个人经历转化为普遍洞见的能力。他在遭遇逆境时的回应——在运动受伤后担任低年级队友的导师，并重新发现对数学的热情——展现了安静的领导力与适应力。这些片段真实自然，切实地表现了他的价值观如何付诸行动。
The structure, moving from broth to balance to introspection, is coherent and thematically rich. However, some transitions could be smoother, and a few phrases are slightly repetitive or abstract. The conclusion, while heartfelt, might leave a stronger impression if it ended with a more concrete personal image rather than a metaphor about the “perfect bowl.”
文章结构从“汤底”到“平衡”再到“自省”，连贯而富有主题深度。然而，部分段落之间的过渡仍可更为流畅，少数句子略显重复或抽象。结尾虽然真挚，但如果能用更具体的个人画面收束，而不是“完美一碗粉”的隐喻，或许能留下更深刻的印象。
Overall, this is a sincere and engaging personal statement that reflects depth and character. With minor revision for clarity and rhythm, Alexander’s essay is well-positioned to make a strong impact on admissions readers.
总体而言，这是一篇真诚而引人入胜的个人陈述，充分展现了深度与个性。若能在清晰度与节奏感上稍作修改，Alexander 的文章完全有潜力在招生官眼中产生强烈影响。
第三篇
3. Barry's Essay
I woke up one morning to the usual noise in the kitchen. “That plate of porridge is mine,” my brother yelled outrageously at my sister, “leave it or else I will beat you up.” Food scrambles and fights were order of the day in the family I was raised. The size of one’s meal would be determined by one’s age. You had to fight for food at times, or else hunger would eat you alive. Living with ten siblings in a polygamous family is not the definition of tranquility. However, I have learned more from this revolving door than I could have been taught in solitary silence. Beyond chaos, there is a whisper that teaches the benefits of unselfish concern.
某天清晨，我在厨房里熟悉的喧闹声中醒来。
“那碗粥是我的！”哥哥对妹妹大喊，“放下，否则我就揍你！”
在我成长的家庭里，争抢食物和打架几乎是家常便饭。一个人的饭量往往取决于年龄大小。有时你必须为食物而战，否则就只能被饥饿吞噬。和十个兄弟姐妹一起生活在一个多妻家庭中，绝不是宁静的代名词。然而，我从这种周而复始的混乱中学到的，比在孤寂的安静里能学到的更多。喧嚣之外，始终有一个低声的提醒——无私关怀的价值。
My mother was a teacher, but her salary could not sustain the big family. Almost every day, she would wake up early in the morning before work and go to the fields. My parents were shadowy figures whose voices I heard vaguely in the morning when sleep was shallow, and whom I glimpsed with irresistibly heavy eye-lids as they trudged wearily into the house at night. We sat together as a whole family on special occasions. After a bumper harvest, my parents would sell their crops in the neighborhood. I vividly remember my mother counting proceeds from the crop sale, her dark face grim, and I think now, beautiful. Not with the hollow beauty of well-simulated features, but with a strong radiance of one who has suffered and never yielded. “This is for your school fees arrears,” she would murmur making a little pile. “This is for the groceries that we borrowed from Mr Kibe’s store,” and so on. The list was endless. We would survive at least for the present.
母亲是一名教师，但她的工资根本无法支撑这个庞大的家庭。几乎每天清晨，她都会在上班前去田里劳作。父母在我记忆中总是模糊的身影：我在浅睡中依稀听见他们的声音，夜晚看到他们拖着疲惫的步伐走进家门，而眼皮沉重的我只能匆匆一瞥。只有在特殊的日子里，我们才能以一个完整家庭的姿态坐在一起。丰收之后，父母会在邻里间卖掉作物。我至今清晰地记得母亲清点卖粮所得时的神情——她漆黑的脸庞紧绷而坚毅，如今回想，那是一种美丽。不是精致五官的空洞美，而是一个饱经苦难却从不屈服之人的光辉。
“这笔用来补交你们的学费，”她低声念叨着，把钱分成小堆。“这笔还要去还 Kibe 先生杂货店的账……”清单没完没了。至少眼下，我们还能活下去。
My father instilled in me the importance of education. I would see the value of education every time I shook hands with him; the scratches and calluses from the field in his hands were enough motivation. After every award I received, he would firmly shake my hands as a sign of profound pride. My tacit prayer was to ease his pain one day. Unfortunately this was never to come true, he died on 5 February 2016 in a car accident, only a week before I received my IGCSE O LEVEL results and I had attained 14 straight A grades, standing out to be one of the top performers in the country. After my father’s death, his brothers took everything that he had acquired.
父亲让我懂得了教育的重要性。每当我与他握手时，布满田间划痕和老茧的双手就是最好的激励。每次我获得奖励，他都会紧紧握住我的手，那是他无比自豪的象征。我的无声祈祷，就是有一天能减轻他的辛苦。可惜，这个愿望未能成真。2016 年 2 月 5 日，他在一场车祸中去世。就在一周后，我收到了 IGCSE O LEVEL 的成绩——14 门科目全是 A，成为全国最优秀的考生之一。父亲去世后，他的兄弟们夺走了他生前辛苦积累的一切。
Inevitably, circumstances forced me to take a break from school in January 2017 and bear my share of the eternal burden at home. I had to take care of my mother whose health was deteriorating. I would spend the day doing household chores, and the nights were times of intensive study. It was on my mother’s deathbed when I was fully convinced that she was a seasoned fighter. “Barry,” she called me, “I am not going to die till you finish school.” In order not to disillusion that extraordinary faith in her voice, I assured her that she was going to live. Unfortunately, she succumbed to death on the 15th of March 2017. I “died” with her. My belief in the God she had ardently prayed to till the time of her demise was shaken.
在 2017 年 1 月，生活的境况迫使我暂时中断学业，分担家中的沉重负担。我必须照顾健康日渐衰退的母亲。白天我忙于家务，夜晚才得以投入紧张的学习。母亲在病榻上时，我才彻底明白她是一位真正的战士。
“Barry，”她呼唤我，“在你完成学业之前，我不会死。”
为了不打碎她声音中那份非凡的信念，我安慰她说她一定会好起来。不幸的是，她还是在 2017 年 3 月 15 日离开了人世。那一天，我仿佛也随她一同死去。我对她临终前依然虔诚祈祷的上帝的信念，彻底动摇了。
Already laid waste by poverty and pain, I went back to school through the generosity of strangers. School became a battleground for victory. I came back to life determined than ever before. I out-performed the country boys who mocked my struggle. I went on to win accolades in the National and Regional Mathematics Olympiads and was awarded the Higher Life Foundation Scholarship that was going to pay my fees throughout high school.
在贫穷与痛苦几乎将我摧毁之时，我因陌生人的慷慨而重返校园。学校成为我求胜的战场。我比以往更加坚定地“重生”。我超越了那些曾讥笑我困境的同龄人。我在全国和地区数学奥林匹克竞赛中屡获殊荣，并获得了Higher Life Foundation的奖学金，为我支付了整个高中阶段的学费。
Today, I am an epitome of a black, double-orphaned, African boy who lost everything he ever valued, but refused to give up on his dream.
如今，我是一个典型的黑人、双亲皆亡的非洲男孩——失去了生命中一切珍视的东西，但从未放弃自己的梦想。
Professional Review 专业点评
A casual reader of Barry’s essay about growing up in a chaotic dozen-or-so-person African household might mistakenly think it is poorly written. It does, after all, bear several hallmarks of an undercooked draft: non-idiomatic constructions like “my brother yelled outrageously,” rather than “yelled in outrage;” or the seemingly un-overlookable blue squiggle that Google Docs inserts beneath “I came back to life determined than ever before,” prodding its author to insert an elided more.
一个随意的读者在阅读 Barry 关于在一个混乱的十几口人的非洲家庭中成长的文章时，可能会误以为它写得并不好。毕竟，这篇文章确实带有一些“半成品草稿”的痕迹：比如 “my brother yelled outrageously”（我哥哥愤怒地大喊）这种不够地道的表达，原本更合适的说法是 “yelled in outrage”；又比如 Google Docs 在 “I came back to life determined than ever before” 这句话下方自动标出的蓝色波浪线，提示作者应该补上漏掉的 more。
But such accusations fail to note the piece’s tremendous strengths: its eagle-eyed specificity, its emotional nuance, its poet’s facility with a resonant turn of phrase. Most writers would conclude their opening paragraph a sentence earlier than Barry does, content to have neatly stated that “I have learned more from this [busy household] than I could have been taught in solitary silence” — a tidy summation of the essay’s topic — but Barry knows that the best persuasive writing employs this sort of clarity as a foundation on which to erect constructions that affect the reader in ways simple statements of fact cannot. Reading the grace note sentence with which Barry follows the thesis above (“Beyond chaos, there is a whisper that teaches the benefits of unselfish concern.”), I was immediately sold. The wise whisper that emerges from the scrum of Barry’s domestic life may well be, we’re left suspecting, Barry’s own.
然而，这些批评忽视了文章真正的长处：它敏锐入微的细节描写，它情感上的细腻层次，以及作者作为诗人般对“余音绕梁”的短句转折的把控力。大多数写作者可能会比 Barry 提前一句结束开头段落，满足于整齐收束的陈述：“我从这个[忙碌的家庭]里学到的，比在孤独的静默中所能学到的更多。” ——一个干净利落的小结，点明了文章的主题。但 Barry 知道，最具说服力的写作并不是停留在事实的清晰陈述，而是以这种清晰为基础，搭建能够在更深层次打动读者的文字建构。当我读到他在这一论点后紧接着补充的那句余音绕梁的句子：“Beyond chaos, there is a whisper that teaches the benefits of unselfish concern.”（在混乱之外，有一个低语在教会我无私关怀的价值），我立刻被说服了。那句从家庭纷乱中浮现出的智慧低语，或许正是 Barry 自己的声音。
Happily, the rest of Barry’s essay is at least as effective as its opening. Whether he’s delivering the news of his father’s passing with a measured understatement that communicates sadness more loudly than the most piercing funeral wail or pausing in an aside to note the beauty of his mother’s face as she mundanely tallies household expenses, we inhabit Barry’s mind as we read, feeling his presence throughout — his intellectual fingerprints unmistakeable, even on the digital page.
令人欣慰的是，Barry 的整篇文章都延续了这种力量。不论是在讲述父亲去世时，他以一种“克制的平淡”传递出的悲伤，比任何撕心裂肺的哭喊都更加响亮；还是在随意的旁白中，他描绘母亲在核算家庭账目时脸庞的美丽——哪怕那是一种平凡却坚韧的美丽——我们都在阅读中进入了 Barry 的内心世界，感受到他无处不在的存在感。他的思想痕迹在每一处文字里都清晰可辨，即便是在这数字化的页面上。
第四篇
4. Claire's Essay
Of the memorable moments in my life when I have discovered one of my passions, almost all of them involve my bright yellow Crocs. Buying rubber shoes in such a conspicuous color was not a spontaneous decision; it took me two months to choose. I had been stalking crocs.com, clicking between the color options, and asking for the unsatisfying opinions of friends before what felt like my rom-com “meet cute” moment: a girl wearing a black tracksuit walked past me in Crocs the brightest shade of yellow I had ever seen. That very week, I opened my laptop and decisively purchased a size 8 pair of “Lemon” Crocs. Ten business days (and two months to build up the courage to wear my eye-catching kicks out in public) later, my self-discovery began.
在我生命中那些让我发现自己热情所在的难忘时刻里，几乎都离不开那双亮黄色的 Crocs。买下这样一双颜色显眼的胶鞋并不是一时冲动；我花了整整两个月才下定决心。在 crocs.com 上反复点选不同颜色、在朋友们毫无建设性的意见中徘徊不定，直到我迎来那仿佛浪漫喜剧中“命运邂逅”的瞬间：一个身穿黑色运动服的女孩从我身边走过，脚上正穿着我所见过最亮的一双黄色 Crocs。就在那一周，我打开电脑，果断下单了一双 8 码的 “Lemon” Crocs。十个工作日之后（加上两个月鼓起勇气将这双惹眼的鞋子穿出门），我的自我探索之旅正式开始。
I was wearing my Crocs when I recognized the importance of activism in young communities. This revelation came on a Saturday in March 2018. I took a 25-minute train ride down to Washington D.C. to participate in the March for Our Lives rally—my first protest. For all 25 anxiety-inducing minutes, my heart raced and my muscles tightened as I tried to ignore the probing stares from strangers wondering why I decided to pair yellow shoes with a green coat.
我正穿着那双 Crocs 时，意识到了青年群体中“行动主义”的重要性。那是 2018 年 3 月的一个周六，我乘坐了 25 分钟的地铁赶赴华盛顿特区，参加了March for Our Lives游行——那是我人生第一次抗议活动。在这 25 分钟让人紧张不安的路程中，我心跳加速，肌肉紧绷，努力无视陌生人投来的目光，似乎在质疑我为什么要用一双黄鞋去搭配一件绿外套。
But my fears (both Croc and non-Croc related) quickly dissolved as I stood alongside activists that were my age; in front of a stage dominated by leaders that were my age; making me realize that the only thing stopping me from being a student activist, at my age, was effort. The young voices calling for change inspired me to step into my responsibility to use my voice to help those whose voices are being suppressed. I stood there for one hour, but what I saw was enough to encourage me to actualize my vision for a world where students are driven to engender social change through service. So, five months later, I co-founded The Virago Project (TVP), a student-led organization focused on building a community of activists like the ones I stood alongside in March. A “virago” is a woman displaying exemplary qualities, but the term has been twisted to demean assertive women. From its name to its activities, TVP is about redefining leadership.
然而，我的恐惧（无论是否与 Crocs 有关）很快消散了。当我站在和我同龄的青年行动者身边；当我望向台上同样是我这个年纪的领袖；我意识到，唯一阻碍我成为一名学生行动者的因素，就是行动本身。那些呼唤改变的年轻声音激励我承担起责任，用自己的声音去帮助那些被压制的人们。那一小时的站立，足以让我坚定构想一个世界：学生们能以服务推动社会变革。于是，五个月后，我共同创办了The Virago Project (TVP)，一个由学生主导的组织，旨在建立像三月游行中我所见到的那样的行动者社群。Virago 一词原本意为“展现卓越品质的女性”，却被扭曲成贬低女性果敢的用语。而 TVP 从名字到活动，都是在重新定义“领导力”。
After my day in D.C., I wore my Crocs to every student meeting TVP held. I wore them as we sold 150 handmade bracelets to raise funds for a local children’s home and again when we posted colorful cards with encouraging messages all over my high school. Walking into rooms full of ambitious student leaders using TVP as a jumping-off point for their own service projects, I beamed as their gaze met my sunny shoes and then shot up to my equally cheery smile.
在去华盛顿的那天之后，我几乎每次参加 TVP 的学生会议都会穿上那双 Crocs。我穿着它们卖出 150 条手工手链，为本地儿童之家筹款；我穿着它们在高中张贴上满是鼓励话语的彩色卡片。走进那些充满雄心壮志的学生领袖的房间，看着他们把 TVP 作为服务项目的起点，我的鞋子闪耀着明亮的黄色，而我的笑容也同样灿烂。
“Dunni, why do you wear such noticeable shoes when you lead these meetings?” asked one of our activists.
“Dunni，你为什么在主持这些会议时，总是穿那双这么显眼的鞋子？” 一位活动参与者问我。
Pleasantly dumbfounded, I could only respond with a curious smile—it’s not often that frivolous items lead to unintentionally philosophical inquiries. So, I held my tongue until the answer struck on a late-night in November 2019.
这个问题让我愣住了，既好笑又意外——毕竟，很少有看似轻佻的物件会引发这样的哲学思考。我没有立刻回答，而是把问题留在心里，直到 2019 年 11 月的一个深夜，答案才浮现。
I wear such noticeable shoes when I stand in front of other student leaders because I want to model the kind of leadership that is as smile-inducing, deliberate, and visible as my Crocs. TVP has trained me to be, above all, altruistic, and I love that I get to learn and model this with a generation of world changers. It took me two months to decide I wanted a pair of sun-colored shoes but only two seconds and a model to realize that I desired the option I’d once overlooked. Now, I realize that, to curious strangers, I am the girl walking past in Crocs the brightest shade of yellow they have ever seen. And I am delighted with the thought that I could be the one to break someone’s cycle of indecision and social apathy.
我之所以在学生领袖面前穿那样显眼的鞋子，是因为我想去示范一种领导力：像 Crocs 一样，令人会心一笑、带着深思熟虑、并且清晰可见。TVP 教会了我，最重要的就是无私，我也很享受能和这一代改变世界的人一起学习与实践这种精神。花了两个月，我才决定要那双太阳色的鞋子，而仅仅两秒钟和一个榜样，就让我意识到自己真正渴望的，其实是那个曾经被我忽略的选择。如今，我明白了——在陌生人眼中，我就是那个从身边走过、脚上穿着他们所见过最亮黄色 Crocs 的女孩。而让我欣喜的是，我或许能成为那个打破他人犹豫与冷漠循环的人。
Professional Review 专业点评
This essay is a masterclass in narrative authenticity and intentional storytelling—two traits that are hallmarks of the most compelling college applications. With a confident yet conversational tone, the writer uses a symbol as unexpected as bright yellow Crocs to introduce deeper themes of identity, leadership, and social impact. What begins as a seemingly light anecdote becomes a powerful meditation on visibility, voice, and purpose.
这篇文章堪称叙事真实感与有意图讲述的典范——这两点正是最具吸引力的大学申请文书的标志。作者用自信而亲切的语气，将一双出乎意料的亮黄色 Crocs 作为象征，引出关于身份、领导力与社会影响的深层主题。看似轻松的趣事，最终升华为对“可见性、声音与使命”的有力思考。
What distinguishes this piece is its ability to connect the personal to the political without sounding forced or formulaic. The author doesn't just recount her activism—she illustrates how that moment catalyzed a philosophy of leadership that is joyful, inclusive, and self-aware. The Virago Project isn’t presented as a resume entry; it’s the natural outgrowth of her lived experience, brought to life through vibrant imagery and self-reflection.
这篇文章的独特之处，在于它能将个人与社会议题自然地联系起来，而不显得刻意或模式化。作者不仅仅叙述了她的行动经历——她展示了那个时刻如何催生出一种领导哲学，这种哲学是快乐的、包容的、且自我觉察的。The Virago Project并非被包装成简历上的一条记录，而是她真实生活体验的自然延伸，通过生动的意象与自我反思被鲜活地呈现出来。
It’s important to remember that admissions officers may have read 50 essays before yours on any given day. They are reading for something that feels fresh, specific, and emotionally alive. This essay succeeds because it hooks the reader early, sustains interest through engaging pacing and humor, and subtly weaves in elite attributes: initiative, social awareness, and emotional intelligence.
必须记住的是，招生官在任何一天里可能已经读过五十篇文章。他们在寻找的是新鲜、具体、富有情感张力的内容。这篇文章之所以成功，是因为它一开始就抓住读者兴趣，通过有趣的节奏与幽默维持吸引力，并且巧妙地融入了顶尖申请人所具备的特质：主动性、社会意识与情绪智慧。
At Momentum College Counseling, we emphasize that students don’t need grand, world-changing moments to write memorable essays—they need clarity, introspection, and a compelling lens. This essay delivers on all three. It’s vulnerable without being sentimental, ambitious without being performative. Most importantly, it captures a student with the courage to be visible, in yellow Crocs or otherwise—and that kind of confident originality is exactly what resonates in admissions rooms at schools like Harvard.
在 Momentum College Counseling，我们一直强调，学生无需依赖宏大的、改变世界的时刻来写出令人难忘的文章——他们需要的是清晰、自省，以及一个引人入胜的切入点。这篇文章正好满足了这三点。它坦诚却不煽情，雄心勃勃却不流于表演。最重要的是，它展现了一位敢于“被看见”的学生——无论是穿着黄色 Crocs，还是在生活中其他场合。而这种自信而独特的原创性，正是像哈佛这样的名校招生官最为共鸣的品质。
第五篇
5. Isabelle's Essay
Breakfast after church is a Sunday staple in my family. We’re not allowed to eat beforehand, so right after Mass ends, my sister and I race to the bagel shop only to inevitably wait in a long line. Often when we reached the cashier, we’d find they were out of plain bagels. It was a perennially difficult decision: pick from an assortment of non-plain bagels, or wait another 20 minutes for new plain bagels.
周日弥撒后的早餐是我们家固定的传统。在此之前我们不允许吃任何东西，所以一旦弥撒结束，我和妹妹就会飞奔到百吉饼店——却总是免不了要排长队。常常等到我们排到收银台时，发现原味百吉饼已经卖光了。于是问题来了：要么从剩下的花样百吉饼里挑一个，要么再饿 20 分钟等新鲜的原味百吉饼出炉。
People’s bagel choices tell you everything about them, and I was a plain bagel girl through and through. Even when faced with 20 extra minutes of hunger, I decided to leave the sweet bagels for the adventurous, the savory for the straightforward, and the “everything” for the indecisive. I came for plain bagels, and I would get them, no matter the wait.
人们选择什么样的百吉饼，往往能反映出他们的个性，而我一直都是个“原味女孩”。即便意味着要多忍受 20 分钟的饥饿，我也会把甜味的留给喜欢冒险的人，把咸味的留给爽快干脆的人，把“综合口味”的留给犹豫不决的人。我是为了原味百吉饼而来，不管等多久，我一定要吃到它。
After a long wait, the warmth of the freshly-baked plain bagels radiating through the paper bag assured me my patience was worth it. Being a plain bagel girl means knowing exactly what you want—no more, no less. It means that I’m in control of my decision-making and always end up satisfied.
在漫长的等待之后，纸袋里刚出炉的原味百吉饼透出的热气，让我确信我的耐心是值得的。做一个“原味女孩”，意味着你清楚知道自己想要什么——不多也不少。也意味着我能掌控自己的决定，最终总会感到满足。
In senior year, my teacher graciously brought bagels to our class. Upon approaching the bag, however, I found there were no plain bagels left. Instinctively, I retreated. But my teacher stopped me and advised that I break from my comfort zone. Reluctantly, I chose an egg bagel, preferring its odd yellow shade to the surrounding sweeter variety (who wants a french toast bagel anyway?). My first bite introduced me to a new world: this sweet and savory egg bagel flawlessly balanced the worlds of the adventurous and the straightforward.
高三时，老师好心地给全班带来了百吉饼。但当我走近袋子时，却发现原味的已经全被拿光了。出于本能，我正想退开，可老师拦住了我，建议我试着跳出舒适区。犹豫之下，我挑了一个鸡蛋百吉饼——只是因为它奇怪的黄色比那些甜口味更能让我接受（毕竟谁会想要法式吐司口味的百吉饼呢？）。第一口下去，我仿佛进入了一个新世界：这种甜咸结合的鸡蛋百吉饼，完美地平衡了“冒险”和“干脆”两个世界。
My willingness to try an egg bagel didn’t lead to a phase of food experimentation, but it did make me see that I could be more spontaneous than my plain bagel self might allow.
尝试鸡蛋百吉饼并没有让我进入“食物实验期”，但它让我意识到，我其实可以比“原味女孩”的自己更随性一些。
Before high school, you could never spot me on a dance floor; I much preferred to watch from the audience. But in my freshman year, I joined the dance department of my school’s annual production of S!NG on a whim.
在上高中之前，你绝不会在舞池里看到我的身影；我更愿意安静地坐在台下观看。但在高一那年，我一时冲动加入了学校年度音乐剧S!NG的舞蹈部门。
As soon as I tried the first move, I knew the decision was worth it. I enjoyed diligently practicing routines and adding my own flair, satisfying my tendency to prepare thoroughly while also fulfilling my desire to explore the realm of dance. Eventually, I excelled so much that the directors chose me as their successor—a position that has strengthened me as a dancer, leader, and person. Though I relished my newfound sense of spontaneity, my plain bagel girl roots helped me to effectively manage others’ dancing. I tirelessly choreographed and re-choreographed each step and count of a routine, no matter how long the detailed revisions took. During practices, I analyzed the dancers' movements and refined them to what could only be described as plain bagel perfection.
当我尝试第一个舞步时，就知道这个决定是值得的。我喜欢反复练习动作并加入个人特色——既满足了我细致准备的习惯，也满足了我探索舞蹈世界的渴望。最终，我的表现足够出色，导演们甚至选我作为接班人——这个职位让我在舞者、领导者和个人身份上都有了成长。虽然我很享受这份新得来的随性，但我的“原味女孩”底色也帮助我有效管理其他舞者。我不知疲倦地反复编舞、修改每一个动作和节拍，不管花多少时间。排练中，我不断分析舞者们的动作，将它们打磨到只能被称为“原味百吉饼般的完美”。
Sometimes the moments when I thought I needed to be in control to be successful were when I needed to be more spontaneous. In my first year being director, I was unfamiliar with managing a multitude of variously skilled dancers. Shedding my fear of being an inexperienced leader was difficult, but I soon learned to open myself to others’ advice about describing moves and maintaining the beat. Together, through sometimes spontaneous practice sessions and spurts of inspiration, we worked to adapt the choreography to accomodate all dancers.
有时，我以为必须掌控一切才能成功，但事实却是，我更需要的是随性。在我担任导演的第一年，面对不同水平的众多舞者时，我感到手足无措，害怕自己作为新手领导的身份。但很快，我学会了虚心接受他人关于动作描述和节奏把握的建议。最终，我们通过一些临时的排练与灵感闪现，不断调整编舞，让所有舞者都能参与其中。
I revel in the contradiction that is my simultaneous meticulousness and spontaneity: my egg bagel epiphany. I can count on myself to prepare thoroughly to optimize my potential, no matter how long it takes. But I can also trust myself to make the most of the unknown and stay true to myself while doing so. It’s what makes me multidimensional; it makes me a young woman no longer defined by her bagel choices but rather by her versatility and what she can do with it.
我乐于享受这种“细致与随性并存”的矛盾：这就是我的鸡蛋百吉饼顿悟。我能依靠自己充分准备，最大化发挥潜能，无论需要多久。但我同样相信自己能在未知中找到价值，并在过程中保持真实。这正是让我多维度的原因：让我成为一个不再被百吉饼选择所定义的年轻女性，而是被她的多才多艺和由此所能创造的一切所定义。
Professional Review 专业点评
As an admission essay counselor, I regularly advise candidates that the best personal statements combine unexpected creative choices with an uncommon self-awareness. Isabelle’s essay perfectly encapsulates this approach in a single line: “People’s bagel choices tell you everything about them, and I was a plain bagel girl through and through.”
作为一名申请文书辅导老师，我常常建议学生：最好的个人陈述应当结合意想不到的创意选择与少见的自我认知。Isabelle 的文章在一句话中完美诠释了这种方式：
“人们的百吉饼选择能说明他们的一切，而我始终是个原味百吉饼女孩。”
The playfulness of distilling character into bagel preference invites readers to better understand Isabelle’s attraction to consistency and control. Only when a flawless egg bagel challenges her “plain bagel” nature does Isabelle re-evaluate the costs of eschewing spontaneity. Joining her school’s dance production on a whim, she uncovers invigorating new ways to work with, and against, routine. When she is eventually named program director, she draws upon her plain bagel epiphany to balance perfectionist tendencies with the adaptability true leadership demands.
将性格浓缩为对百吉饼口味的偏好，这种俏皮的写法让读者更好地理解 Isabelle 对“稳定与掌控”的偏爱。直到一只完美的鸡蛋百吉饼挑战了她的“原味”本性，Isabelle 才重新思考回避随性的代价。在心血来潮加入学校的舞蹈表演后，她发现了与“规律”共处甚至对抗的新方式。当她最终被任命为项目导演时，她又从这份“鸡蛋百吉饼顿悟”中汲取力量，将完美主义的倾向与真机构导力所需的适应性加以平衡。
Isabelle’s story demonstrates an evolving self-knowledge that will serve her ambitions well. She writes with verve, unearthing hidden meaning within the mundane. “I decided to leave the sweet bagels for the adventurous, the savory for the straightforward, and the “everything” for the indecisive.” How she unpacks this meaning feels truly personal, bringing a multidimensionality to her candidacy that could never be captured by grades, test scores, and extracurriculars alone.
Isabelle 的故事展现了一种不断进化的自我认知，这将很好地助力她的抱负。她的文笔生动有力，从平凡之事中挖掘出深层的意义。比如她写道：
“我把甜味百吉饼留给爱冒险的人，把咸味留给干脆利落的人，而把‘综合口味’留给犹豫不决的人。”
她对这些细节的解读极具个人特色，让她的申请多了一份立体感，这是成绩、考试分数和课外活动所无法体现的。
第六篇
6. Olivia's Essay
When I was little my grandfather taught me the German word Waldeinsamkeit, the feeling of being truly alone in a deep forest. “Forests are special in Germany,” he explained. “In Florida...it’s swamps,” pointing to the brackish pond behind his house.
小时候，外公教过我一个德语单词——Waldeinsamkeit，意思是在幽深森林中感受到的孤独感。“森林在德国是特别的，”他解释道。“可在佛罗里达……只有沼泽。”说着，他指向自家后院那片咸水塘。
Back then, I knew only that he was a scientist, and that my mom’s forehead furrowed when he was mentioned. It was years before I saw him again, and many more years before I learned that, despite the silence of forests and families, no one is truly alone.
那时，我只知道他是一名科学家，也知道每当提到他时，妈妈的眉头总会皱起。直到很多年后我才再次见到他，又过了更多年，我才明白：无论是森林的静默，还是家庭的沉默，都无法让人真正孤单。
I always felt that science was in my blood. In 8th grade, I attended the Summer Science and Engineering Program at Smith College. I left hoping to study Chemistry--that was what my grandfather had taught.
我一直觉得科学流淌在我的血液里。八年级时，我参加了史密斯学院的暑期科学与工程项目。结束时，我希望未来能学习化学——那是外公曾经的研究领域。
So in high school, I emailed dozens of labs…and received one positive response, from a plant lab. Plants? They didn’t move or talk; they’re boring, I thought. And I had accidentally killed every plant I’d touched--including a fake one I’d dropped. But Dr. Yanofsky encouraged me. He also taught me that most of what I’d assumed about plants was wrong.
于是到了高中，我给数十个实验室发邮件……最后只收到了一个积极的回应，来自一个植物实验室。植物？它们既不动也不说话，多无聊啊，我心想。而且我碰过的植物几乎都被我“弄死”了——甚至还摔坏过一盆假的。不过，Yanofsky 博士鼓励了我。他还让我明白，我对植物的很多想法其实都是错误的。
New research suggests injured Douglas firs send distress signals to nearby pines through a series of mycorrhizae, a fungi which acts like a plant internet. In other words, trees “talk” to each other and are “friends” during hard times--they help injured trees by sharing resources. If we listen at the right frequency, we can literally hear forests communicating.
新的研究表明，受伤的道格拉斯冷杉会通过一系列菌根（犹如植物的互联网）向附近的松树发送“求救信号”。换句话说，树木会“交流”，并且在困境中彼此成为“朋友”——它们通过共享资源来帮助受伤的同伴。如果我们能以正确的频率去倾听，真的可以“听见”森林在对话。
In Dr. Yanofsky’s labs, I began using CRISPR-Cas9 to explore two genes in Arabidopsis thaliana. It took years, but my engineered plants produced nearly three times the fruit of the wildtype average, with clear applications toward world hunger. I entered my project in the Greater San Diego Science and Engineering Fair (GSDSEF), where I won First Place and Sweepstakes, sending me to the International Science and Engineering Fair (ISEF), where I became a Finalist.
在 Yanofsky 博士的实验室里，我开始用 CRISPR-Cas9 技术研究拟南芥的两个基因。经过数年努力，我培育出的改造植株果实产量几乎是野生型平均值的三倍，在解决全球饥饿问题上具有明确的应用前景。我将项目提交到圣迭戈地区科学与工程博览会（GSDSEF），获得了一等奖和全场大奖，并因此晋级国际科学与工程大奖赛（ISEF），成为最终入围者。
The next year, I took these principles to the Garcia Scholars program at Stony Brook University to study nanotoxicity. I’ve learned that people across the globe speak a universal language of science, including bad puns. I’ve also learned that everyone had a mentor.
第二年，我将这些原理应用到石溪大学的 Garcia Scholars 项目中，研究纳米毒性。我逐渐明白，世界各地的人们都在用一门科学的“通用语言”交流——其中也包括那些蹩脚的冷笑话。我还发现，每个人的背后都有一位导师。
That’s why I helped launch the Student Leadership Board of GSDSEF. Traveling to dozens of schools, leading monthly Saturday workshops, I saw classrooms without science equipment. I met kids whose parents couldn’t afford even modest science fair entry fees.
这也是我为什么帮助创立了 GSDSEF 的学生领导委员会。我走访了几十所学校，主持每月一次的周六工作坊，看到的却是许多连基础科学器材都缺乏的教室。我遇到过一些孩子，他们的父母甚至负担不起哪怕最少量的科学竞赛报名费。
So I created Science Fair Buddies, a mentoring program at a middle school where most students receive free lunch. I persuaded a local company to provide financial support, and recruited science fair alumni as mentors. We hold workshops when late buses are available. I’ve learned to look and listen in ways I hadn’t before. “Will there be snacks?” often means “I haven’t had a meal today.” Kids make formal presentations in t-shirts because that’s their only shirt. Seats for parents at award ceremonies are often empty. Taylor, a 5th grader with orange hair, comes with her grandfather; he’s her primary caretaker. Many kids seem to be their own caretakers.
于是我创建了Science Fair Buddies（科学展伙伴），一个面向中学生的指导项目，那里的大多数学生都享受免费午餐。我说服了一家本地公司提供资金支持，并招募了科学竞赛的校友作为导师。我们在有晚班校车的时间举办工作坊。我学会了用全新的方式去观察和倾听。“会有零食吗？”常常意味着“我今天还没吃饭。”孩子们穿着唯一的一件 T 恤衫来做正式展示。颁奖典礼上的家长座位常常空着。五年级女孩 Taylor，橘色的头发，总是由外公陪同——他是她的主要监护人。还有很多孩子，看起来似乎都是自己的照料者。
In the last year, in an awkward conversation, I learned my own mother was one of these kids. I learned my grandfather was an alcoholic. That she spent afternoons stranded at bus stops. That he once ran over her dog. That he broke down a neighbor’s door to drag her back home. That the swampy pond behind her house was her designated meeting spot for friends to comfort her.
在去年一次尴尬的谈话中，我得知我的母亲就是这样一个孩子。我知道了我的外公是个酒鬼。她曾在放学后被困在公交车站；他曾碾死过她的狗；他曾砸开邻居的门把她拖回家；她家后院那片沼泽塘，曾是朋友们安慰她时的“秘密集合点”。
Last year, we traveled across the country to bring him home to live with us. He was alone, and suffering from progressive dementia. Some days he speaks nonsense, asking for “blue noses” for lunch. But yesterday he said his hobby was “finding truth where it may not always be obvious.”
去年，我们跨越全国，把他接回家和我们一起生活。他孑然一身，正受渐进性痴呆折磨。有些日子里他说着毫无意义的话，会要“蓝色的鼻子”当午餐。但就在昨天，他却说起了他的爱好：“在那些不那么显而易见的地方，寻找真相。”
Forests may be peaceful, but they’re not lonely, or even silent. Trees—and people—are always sharing resources in ways that remind us we’re never truly alone.
森林或许宁静，但它们并不孤独，甚至并非寂静。树木——还有人类——总是在分享资源，用自己的方式提醒我们：我们从不真正孤单。
Professional Review 专业点评
Over the years we’ve had hundreds of acceptances to Harvard, Stanford, MIT, etc. In our experience, all successful Ivy-level essays demonstrate at least two of three vital things–Impact, Insight, and Identity. Olivia’s essay powerfully explores the first two: Impact and Insight.
这些年来，我们的学生拿到了数百份来自哈佛、斯坦福、麻省理工等学校的录取通知。根据我们的经验，所有能成功进入常春藤及同等级别名校的申请文书，至少都会展现出三个关键要素中的两个：影响力 (Impact)、洞察力 (Insight)、身份 (Identity)。Olivia 的文章强有力地展现了前两点：影响力与洞察力。
After athletic recruits and donors, identity-driven elements play a key role in Ivy-level admissions. If your identity is likely to contribute to the diversity of an Ivy-level campus, embrace and explore it. But what if–at least in the eyes of admissions readers–your identity isn’t helpful? What if you are a “basic white girl?”
在运动员和捐赠者之外，身份相关的元素在常春藤层级的录取中也扮演着重要角色。如果你的身份能为校园多样性做出贡献，那就应该勇敢展现与深入探索它。但如果——至少在招生官眼中——你的身份并没有太大帮助呢？如果你只是一个“普通白人女孩 (basic white girl)”呢？
That’s how Olivia described herself when I first met her as an 8th-grader, back when teenagers aspired to be “extra” rather than “basic.” Her brother had found a pathway to MIT and Princeton through math competitions. But Olivia wasn’t a MOSP-level contender, so she would need to find another way to show Impact.
这正是 Olivia 在我第一次见到她（她还是八年级生时）时对自己的描述。那时，青少年们追求的是“特别 (extra)”，而不是“普通 (basic)”。她的哥哥通过数学竞赛走上了麻省理工和普林斯顿的道路。但 Olivia 并不是 MOSP（美国奥数夏令营）级别的选手，所以她需要找到另一种方式来展示Impact。
Too young to work in animal labs, in the 9th grade she wrangled her way into a plant lab. Her work there led to meaningful discoveries–and eventually to the International Science and Engineering Fair (ISEF). She also created significant outreach programs to share her love of science. That’s Impact.
由于年纪太小无法进入动物实验室，Olivia 在九年级时争取到了在植物实验室的机会。她在那里的研究带来了有意义的发现——最终也让她进入了国际科学与工程大奖赛 (ISEF)。同时，她还发起了有影响力的科普项目来分享自己对科学的热爱。这就是Impact（影响力）。
But without Insight–an ef ort to explain the larger social and personal significance–a student’s Impact is merely a resume. As an editor, my job–and that of the many talented Editing Partners at Hamilton Education–is to help students find that Insight. In Olivia’s case, I sent her a book called The Hidden Life of Trees, and had Olivia free-write extensively about her life and family. But it was actually her mother who contributed the final piece–a hidden aspect of her family that endowed the technical things Olivia had done with greater meaning and purpose.
但如果缺乏Insight（洞察力）——即对更广泛的社会意义和个人意义的解释——学生的 Impact 就只是简历上的一行记录。作为编辑，我的工作——以及 Hamilton Education 许多优秀编辑伙伴的工作——就是帮助学生找到这种洞察力。在 Olivia 的案例中，我寄给她一本《树的秘密生命 (The Hidden Life of Trees)》，并让她大量自由写作，记录自己的生活和家庭。但实际上，真正补全最后一块拼图的是她的母亲——母亲揭示的家族隐秘，使得 Olivia 所做的那些技术性工作被赋予了更深的意义和使命。
Years ago I taught Literature and Narrative Theory at UCLA, and after that I served as Editorial Director of a food-and-wine magazine. As a professional editor, my job wasn’t to give writers bigger or better words, but rather to help sell the story. At Hamilton Education, we like to start early–as early as 8th grade–so that we can help students build the right kind of resume. But we are not merely advisors–we are professional editors: we help students identify what their real story is, and how they can best tell it–so that universities like Harvard simply must say “Yes.”
多年前，我曾在加州大学洛杉矶分校教授文学与叙事理论，之后担任过一家美食与葡萄酒杂志的编辑总监。作为一名职业编辑，我的工作不是给写作者更华丽的词句，而是帮助他们把故事讲好。在 Hamilton Education，我们倾向于尽早开始——早至八年级——帮助学生逐步建立合适的“履历”。但我们不仅仅是顾问，而是专业编辑：帮助学生发现他们的真实故事，并找到最佳的讲述方式——让像哈佛这样的大学不得不说“是”。
By the time Olivia graduated high school, I was hearing the word“basic” less frequently. But since Olivia gained admission to Harvard, Princeton, Stanford and other top universities, she apparently showed Ivy-level schools something “extra” about her.
等到 Olivia 高中毕业时，“basic” 这个词已经不再那么常听见。而她被哈佛、普林斯顿、斯坦福及其他顶尖大学录取，显然是因为她向常春藤级的学校展现了某种“extra”。
第七篇
7. Jinna's Essay
It’s terrifying how much we can get from Amazon nowadays: groceries, clothes, books, and crises of faith are all just a click away.
真是可怕，如今我们几乎什么都能从亚马逊买到：杂货、衣服、书籍，甚至信仰危机——只需轻轻一点。
After Audible thanked me for listening to The Most Dangerous Branch: Inside the Supreme Court's Assault on the Constitution by David Kaplan and The Brethren by Bob Woodward and Scott Armstrong, I wanted to cry, scream, and march to Washington to shake answers from Chief Justice John Roberts.
在 Audible 感谢我收听了 David Kaplan 的The Most Dangerous Branch: Inside the Supreme Court's Assault on the Constitution以及 Bob Woodward 和 Scott Armstrong 的The Brethren之后，我几乎想哭、想尖叫、想立刻奔赴华盛顿，从首席大法官 John Roberts 那里摇出答案。
My emotional whirlwind burst from the dichotomy between reality and my expectation of it. Growing up, I knew the judicial branch as the apolitical arbiter of constitutional law and the bias-blind defender of civil rights. With fear across the nation rising as fast as the global temperature, I was sure the best way to change the failing status quo was through the courts. I dreamed of becoming a lawyer to advocate for justice and to help my country prosper. My ambitions sprouted from the ideals of public service ingrained into me at school and at home, and my goal hinged only upon the judiciary’s mandate to protect our freedoms. My dream was purposeful and straightforward.
我情绪的风暴，源自现实与期待之间的巨大落差。成长过程中，我一直以为司法部门是宪法法律的超然仲裁者，是公正无私的民权守护者。随着全国的恐惧情绪像全球气温一样不断攀升，我笃信改变现状的最好方式就是通过法院。我梦想成为一名律师，为正义奔走，帮助国家繁荣。我的抱负源自学校和家庭灌输给我的公共服务理想，而我的目标只依赖于司法机关保护自由的使命。我的梦想曾经明确而坚定。
But 37 hours of audiobook rewrote all my beliefs in the judicial branch.
然而，37 个小时的有声书，彻底重写了我对司法体系的所有信念。
The Supreme Court: apolitical arbiter and bias-blind defender? No. Rather: potentially politicized, petty, proud, and irrational. Partisan politics dance about the Justices’ Conferences. The Constitution and personal biases govern rulings. Most rights supposedly afforded by the Constitution are interpretations, not explicit clauses, of it. For example, Chief Justice Warren Burger manipulated case assignments, so Justice Potter Stewart tattled on him to Woodward and Armstrong in retaliation. The right of the judiciary to strike down laws deemed unconstitutional is derived more from Marbury v. Madison than from Article Three. Justice Harry Blackmun based his majority opinion in Roe v. Wade on the rights of the doctor to practice. Stare decisis is optional, as is judicial restraint.
最高法院：超然仲裁者、公正守护者？并不是。相反：可能被政治化、琐碎、骄傲、甚至不合逻辑。党派政治在大法官的会议中上演舞蹈。宪法与个人偏见共同主宰裁决。多数宪法所“赋予”的权利，其实只是解释，而非明文条款。比如，首席大法官 Warren Burger 操控案件分配，结果大法官 Potter Stewart 为报复而向记者 Woodward 与 Armstrong 爆料。司法推翻违宪法律的权力，与其说来自宪法第三条，不如说更多源于Marbury v. Madison。在Roe v. Wade一案中，大法官 Harry Blackmun 的多数意见是基于医生的执业权利。遵循先例（stare decisis）是可选的，司法克制同样如此。
I felt sick. I had worshipped the courts as the perfect forum for change, always upholding truth, equality, and scholarship; I saw them as the eventual birthplace of solutions to gun regulation, climate crises, gerrymandering, immigration, and social inequality. I did not want to acknowledge courts could be anything but perfect.
我感到反胃。我曾把法院奉为变革的完美舞台，总是维护真理、平等与学术；我曾相信，它们会是解决枪支管制、气候危机、选区操纵、移民与社会不平等的最终诞生地。我不愿意承认法院可能并不完美。
Desperation drove me to keep listening, but with every new case I covered, the clearer it became that I had worshipped an impossibility. After finishing Jeffrey Toobin’s The Nine, I finally admitted that, prior to these books, I had known nothing. Perhaps that epiphany should have terrified me, but it did quite the opposite.
绝望让我继续听下去，但随着每一个新案例的揭示，我越发清楚：我所崇拜的，是一个不可能存在的幻象。听完 Jeffrey Toobin 的The Nine后，我终于承认：在这些书之前，我一无所知。或许这种顿悟本该让我恐惧，但它带给我的却完全相反。
It was liberating. 这是一次解放。
Socrates once wrote that true knowledge was in knowing that you know nothing. I couldn’t agree more: once you know you’ve hit wisdom rock bottom, you can be reckless with your curiosity because you only have everything to gain.
苏格拉底曾写道，真正的智慧在于认识到自己一无所知。我完全同意：一旦你触及认知的“谷底”，你就能放肆地追逐好奇心，因为你只有一切可得。
Since that epiphany, I have been gleefully chasing infinity. Even if my capacity to learn is finite, my curiosity is not. The history of the courts, the ethics of judicial restraint, the politics of judging, the rhetoric of opinions, the intersectionality of all of the above and more… there is so much to explore.
自那次顿悟以来，我一直在欢欣雀跃地追逐无限。即使我的学习能力有限，但我的好奇心却无穷无尽。法院的历史、司法克制的伦理、司法的政治、判词的修辞，以及上述一切的交叉点与更多……有太多值得探索。
For the record: I purchased those audiobooks on a whim. I was not looking for anything more than a fascinating nonfiction read. But they have plunged me into an exhilarating, all-consuming, fully unpredictable adventure, one that stretches back to our nation’s founding and far into our future. While these books initially upset me by revealing the imperfections of the judicial branch, they showed me a whole undiscovered history and future at my fingertips. Rather than smothering my dreams of public service, they fanned the flames; now, my dream of public service is fueled by my passion to serve and to learn.
说实话，我最初购买这些有声书，只是想找一本有趣的非虚构读物。但它们却将我卷入了一场令人兴奋、全身心投入、完全不可预测的冒险，这场冒险既回溯到我们国家的建国之初，也延伸到遥远的未来。虽然这些书最初让我沮丧，因为它们揭示了司法体系的不完美，但它们也让我看到，一个全新的历史与未来正触手可及。它们没有熄灭我对公共服务的梦想，反而助燃了它；如今，我对公共服务的渴望由我热爱服务、热爱学习的激情所驱动。
And I’m ready to chase it.
而我，已经准备好追逐它了。
Professional Review 专业点评
Jinna’s essay is a standout example of intellectual curiosity, personal reflection, and authentic voice. From the clever and engaging opening line to the thoughtful conclusion, Jinna skillfully takes the reader on a journey of discovery, disillusionment, and renewed purpose. The narrative is driven by a deep dive into the workings of the U.S. Supreme Court, showcasing not only their passion for justice but also their willingness to question long-held beliefs and grow from that discomfort.
Jinna 的文章是一个在求知欲、个人反思和真实声音方面都十分突出的范例。从聪明而吸引人的开头，到富有深思的结尾，Jinna 巧妙地带领读者经历了一段探索、幻灭与重燃目标的旅程。叙事的核心是对美国最高法院运作的深入探究，不仅展现了他们对正义的热情，也展现了他们愿意质疑长期持有的信念，并从不适中成长的勇气。
What makes Jinna’s piece particularly compelling is their ability to balance sophisticated ideas with accessible, heartfelt storytelling. The references to books like The Most Dangerous Branch and The Nine are used not to impress, but to demonstrate sincere engagement with complex issues. Their voice is confident, occasionally humorous, and consistently reflective.
这篇文章尤其引人入胜的地方，在于作者能够在深刻的思想与易懂而真挚的叙事之间取得平衡。引用The Most Dangerous Branch和The Nine等书籍，并非出于炫耀，而是为了体现他们对复杂问题的真诚投入。整篇文章的声音自信，时而幽默，却始终保持反思。
Jinna’s essay also captures a meaningful transformation. Rather than clinging to idealism, they embrace complexity, demonstrating resilience, adaptability, and a hunger for learning—qualities that admissions committees value deeply. The final message, that disillusionment gave way to a deeper and more grounded passion for public service, is powerful and uplifting.
Jinna 的文章还捕捉到了一种有意义的转变。他们没有死守理想主义，而是拥抱复杂性，展现了韧性、适应力和学习的渴望——这些都是招生委员会极为看重的品质。最后的主旨，即“幻灭最终孕育出更深、更踏实的公共服务热情”，既有力量又令人振奋。
Altogether, this essay is a memorable, intellectually rich, and emotionally resonant piece that clearly reflects the maturity and promise of the writer.
总体而言，这篇文章令人难忘，思想深刻，情感动人，清晰地展现了作者的成熟与潜力。
第八篇
8. Carrie's Essay
I am a builder. No. I am a seasoned architect. My tools are foreign to the realities of others but mundane by my standards. I don’t compose the perplexing and unique structures that most think of when the word architect is mentioned. Matter of fact, I don’t make structures at all; my mastery is in the assembly of walls. Mental ones, to be exact. I am a skillful artist of intricately woven walls to create a complex maze for the others that try to get to know me; they are left confused, with no choice but to surrender their arbitrary efforts to “save” me.
我是个筑墙者。不。该说是个老练的建筑师。我的工具在旁人眼中陌生离奇，对我而言却稀松平常。当人们提起"建筑师"时想到的那些独特而复杂的建筑，我从不构筑。事实上，我根本不造实体建筑——我的专长在于垒墙。确切地说，是心墙。我是个技艺精湛的艺术家，用精心编织的墙壁为试图了解我的人打造复杂迷宫；他们最终总是困惑地放弃那些自以为是的"拯救"企图。
I was unmatched in my array of skills. That was until I met Mark. Mark was a worker from my first mental hospital visits who had attached himself to my conscience before I could push him away as I had done with so many others. With an equally impressive skill set, he was able to navigate his way through my long-standing labyrinth to its center. That’s where he found me. Still crouched next to my fledgling wall, dirt on my knees with dust on my face, I had finally been figured out for the first time in years. How did he get here? When did I let my guard down? The answers to these questions sat obnoxiously in front of me. The game that we always played. Horse. Such a benign game, that the thought of it having any significant part in my life is utterly incomprehensible. But it did, nonetheless.
他人那样推开他，他就已经牢牢嵌进了我的意识里。凭借同样高超的技巧，他竟穿越我经年累月建造的迷宫，直抵核心。就在那里，他找到了我：我仍蜷缩在新砌的墙边，膝盖沾着泥土，脸上蒙着灰尘，多年来第一次被人看穿。他是怎么进来的？我何时卸下了防备？答案就明目张胆地摆在眼前——我们常玩的那个游戏。"马"。如此平淡无奇的游戏，竟在我生命里扮演重要角色，这简直荒谬至极。但事实就是如此。
Little did I know that Mark was studying to become a therapist in his studies of psychology, and I, his first patient. This is not a story of teenage love and life-changing heartbreak, but of one where an abandoned kid whose father raped her and whose mother gave up custody to have the father’s perverted approval, finally gets the parental figure that she was never offered before. I was an emotional wreck at this time, not wanting to live, much less fight a court battle to get the “justice” everyone so badly wanted for me. So Mark, the father I never got to have, taught me how to swim in the never-ending circumstances I was drowning in. With every swish of the net of our game, a new way he would teach my fumbling feet to move in the water. And with every finished game, he was one wall closer to the reality behind my facade. He taught me that being angry at my circumstances would not fix them or get me any closer to overcoming them.
那时我并不知道，马克正在攻读心理学，梦想成为心理治疗师——而我，成了他的第一个病人。这不是什么青春爱恋与刻骨心碎的故事，而是一个被父亲强暴、被母亲为换取变态认可而放弃监护权的弃儿，终于遇见人生中第一个真正家长的故事。那时的我濒临崩溃，连活下去的欲望都没有，更别说为了众人渴望的"正义"去法庭抗争。于是马克——这个我从未拥有过的父亲——教会我在溺毙我的深渊里泅渡。我们每次挥动球网，他就教会我笨拙的双脚一种新的泳姿；每结束一局比赛，他就穿透我的一层伪装。他让我明白：愤怒改变不了现状，更无法带我走出困境。
Nothing is going to change my mom’s decision. Nothing is going to turn back time and change what my dad did. I can be the ruler of the lonely maze I created, or I can be surrounded by people who love and care for me. It wasn’t easy destroying all the walls I had taken years to build and perfect, but it wasn’t impossible either. This isn’t a fairytale where Mark waved a magic wand and all was better and my walls disappeared from my mind. This is reality, and it took time, patience, and effort to unassemble my walls. Brick by painstaking brick. But in the actual world, people don’t get happily ever after. Some of my walls are still there. And that’s okay. I have learned to recognize my progress instead of singling out my flaws.
我终究无法改变母亲的决定，也无力逆转时光抹去父亲的罪行。我可以继续做自己筑起的孤独迷宫的主宰，也可以选择被爱我关心我的人们包围。摧毁那些耗费数年精心垒砌的高墙并非易事——但也绝非不可能。这不是马克挥挥魔杖就能让一切好转、让心墙瞬间崩塌的童话。现实世界里，拆解心墙需要时间、耐心与努力。一砖一瓦，皆需亲手瓦解。而真实的人生从来没有什么"从此幸福快乐"。有些心墙至今仍在。但这已无妨。我终于学会欣赏自己的进步，而非苛求残缺的完美。
I am finally okay with not being perfect. My walls have chips and cracks, but I am content with their creation and their destruction. The destruction of familiarity is a beautiful thing. And so I climb out of the water, let the flowers bloom in the cracks of my walls, and walk off the court arm in arm with someone who sees me for who I am, not whom I pretend to be.
我终于与不完美的自己和解。那些心墙纵然斑驳龟裂，我却安然接受它们的筑起与崩塌。打破熟悉的桎梏，竟是如此美妙。于是我泅出深渊，任墙隙间开出野花，与那个看透真实而非伪装的我的人——挽手离开了球场。
Professional Review 专业点评
This essay demonstrates both narrative skill and emotional insight. The extended metaphor of building mental walls and creating a maze is skillfully woven into the essay and creates a complex yet accessible symbolism that captures the student’s emotional struggles and her healing process.
这篇文章展现了叙事技巧与情感洞察力。作者巧妙地运用建造心灵高墙与迷宫的延伸隐喻，将其娴熟地贯穿全文，形成了一种复杂而又易于理解的象征体系，精准地捕捉了学生的情感挣扎与康复过程。
In choosing to write about this deeply traumatic experience, the student reveals courage, vulnerability, and resilience and gives the reader a glimpse into how it has impacted her life.At the same time, the student makes it clear that this experience doesn’t define who she is.
在选择书写这样一个极其创伤性的经历时，学生展现出了勇气、脆弱与坚韧，并向读者揭示了这段经历如何影响了她的生活。同时，学生也明确传达出一个信息：这段经历并没有完全定义她是谁。
Remarkable honesty and maturity emerge through the student’s reflection of how she has actively worked to confront this trauma and move beyond it; the student doesn’t present herself as a victim in spite of the fact that she was.
通过学生对自己如何主动面对并超越创伤的反思中，展现出了非凡的诚实与成熟。尽管她确实是受害者，但她并没有把自己塑造成一个单纯的“受害者”形象。
There is a sense of humility and strength that emerges at the end of the essay when the student recognizes that perfection isn’t the goal, but that growth is. As a reader, you can’t help but be drawn into the essay from the get-go; this compelling and nuanced writing speaks to the student’s high level of self-awareness.
在文章的结尾，当学生认识到“完美并不是目标，成长才是”时，一种谦逊与力量感油然而生。作为读者，你很难不被这篇文章从开头就深深吸引；这种扣人心弦而又富有层次感的写作，彰显了学生极高的自我觉察水平。
以上是哈佛刚公布的10篇优秀申请文书中的8篇，老师教育已为每篇提供了详细点评。
哈佛偏爱文书共性
1. 有深度的个人故事，而不是流水账经历：
文书并不是单纯地罗列奖项、科研或活动（那是简历的功能），而是通过具体的个人故事展示学生的思考、成长和价值观。
例如：
- Olivia 用植物科研 + 家庭故事串联出“孤独与连接”的主题。
- Jinna 通过读书经历展现了从“理想化司法”到“承认复杂性”的转变。
- Carrie 以“心灵高墙”的隐喻揭示自我疗愈与成长。
2. 转折/冲突/顿悟是核心：
几乎每篇成功文书里都有一个 转折点：
- Olivia → 从厌恶植物到热爱科研，并发现更广阔的社会意义。
- Jinna → 从“法院是完美答案”到“法院并不完美，但仍值得为公共服务努力”。
- Carrie → 从筑起心墙的受伤孩子，到承认裂痕、拥抱成长。
这种转折不仅让故事有张力，也体现了学生的 思考能力和自我反省。
3. 影响力（Impact）+ 洞察力（Insight）+ 身份感（Identity）：
专业点评多次强调这三点：
- Impact：做了什么，带来了怎样的改变（科研成果、社会服务、项目发起等）。
- Insight：为什么这件事重要？对自己和社会意味着什么？（深度反思）。
- Identity：你是谁？为什么你的存在能给校园带来独特价值？
比如：
- Olivia → 科研影响力 + 指导他人 → Insight 来自家庭秘密。
- Jinna → 法律理想被击碎 → Insight 在于接纳不完美。
- Carrie → 身份故事 → 展示 resilience（韧性）。
4. 强烈的个人声音（Authenticity）：
语言风格不是“假大空”，而是有鲜明的个性：
- Jinna 以轻松幽默的方式开头（Amazon + 危机），一下子抓住读者。
- Carrie 的文章充满文学性的隐喻，但不失真诚。
招生官看重 “真”，能感受到作者在写属于自己的独特故事。
5. 不回避脆弱，但强调成长：
很多学生会写挫折、痛苦或迷茫，但关键是：
不是停留在“受害者叙事”，而是展示如何走出来，获得新的力量。比如，Carrie 直面极端创伤，但最后落点是“成长”和“自我接纳”。
6. 写作建议
1）挑选一个独特的切入点：不要泛泛写“我热爱科学/体育/音乐”，而要找到一个“别人写不出来的故事”。例如：你研究过的某个基因实验、一次课堂辩论、一次家庭记忆，都可以成为入口。
2）设计一个“转折点”：这件事前后，我的认知发生了什么变化？加入顿悟/冲突/矛盾解决 的时刻，会让文章更有张力。
3）平衡 Impact 与 Insight：写成果（Impact）时，不要只说“我做了什么”，要点明“这件事对我/社会的意义”。Insight 往往更打动人，因为它体现你的“思考力”。
4）展示真实声音：用平时说话的语气去写，而不是堆砌高大上的词。可以加入幽默、比喻或文学化表达，但要保持自然。
5）勇敢写脆弱，但结尾一定要积极：可以写困难、痛苦，但最后要收束到“我成长了、我学会了……”。招生官想看到你 resilient（有韧性），而不是 fragile（易碎）。
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